Rebirth
by elmjuniper
Summary: The great Commander Shepard has fallen and left is a galaxy thrown in to disarray. As the Normandy and her crew deal with their loss and the galaxy tries to rebuild itself another unforeseen enemy rises and threatens the new, fragile peace.
1. Prologue

**DISCLAIMER:** Mass Effect and all its characters belong to EA/Bioware. Everything else is my vivid imagination and I'm borrowing these wonderful characters to show my unconditional love for the wonderful universe Bioware has created.

**A/N:** So this is a remake of a story of mine that I published a few months ago. I tried to make it a BroShep fiction, but I just couldn't finish it. So I decided to pull it and rewrite it with my trusty FemShep.

The story is set a few months after the Reapers have been defeated and explores what consequences Shepard's decision will have for the rest of the galaxy.  
I hope you enjoy it. Please read and review. You don't have to be a member and it only takes a minute to let me know what you think of the story so far.

~Elmjuniper

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**PROLOGUE**

"I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE." She let her hand drop to the side her thoughts jumbled and confused. The loud sound of the battle raging on outside the Citadel echoed dully from outside and she tried to ignore it going over the choices in her head once more.

Either way this was it. This was the final stand. After this she would cease to exist. This choice wasn't about her, but the rest of the galaxy. She had united the krogans and the turians, even the salarians had put their differences aside and joined them against the Reapers. She had brought peace between the quarians and the geth.

She could destroy it all. That's after all what she had worked towards all this time –the destruction of the Reapers no matter the cost. But then she remembered Tali's face back on Rannoch and the disbelief when the quarian had told her about how the geth helped the quarians adapt to viruses quicker than any of them had ever thought possible. She remembered the glow in the eyes behind the visor when Tali explained that this would mean they could live out of their suits in just a few years. The quarians would no longer be prisoners in their own suit. Instead they would wear them with pride as a part of their culture.

_Does this unit have a soul? _Legion, the geth who had helped her take down the Collector base and rewrite the heretics had sacrificed himself to upload the Reaper tech granting his people consciousness –free will. Her eyes drifted towards the orange burning beam. Every single geth eliminated and Legion's sacrifice would have been all for naught.

_Only now do I feel alive. That is your influence. _EDI, the AI that had become part of her crew, who had become her friend. Who had turned to her with all these questions of life. Could she sacrifice her as well?

Her eyes drifted towards the green beam, indecision and pain clogging her mind. Anderson had given his life so that she would be able to destroy the Reapers. Kaidan, Mordin, Thane, all the marines and civilians. What of them? What was their sacrifice worth? What was best for the galaxy and why was it up to her?  
"You're always on your own when you need someone the most," she muttered to herself.

No more war. Peace. No Reapers again, no new cycle. Could she sacrifice the geth, the bright future of the quarians and EDI knowing a new cycle would eventually begin? Maybe she could control them? They would follow her every whim. She would be the most powerful force in the universe. She could rebuild Earth, Thessia, Palaven and Tuchanka. She could use the Reapers to do good.

_We can control them! _The Illusive Man's voice rang in her head. No, no. She would _never _be like the Illusive Man. She knew this and she knew she couldn't wipe out an entire race. She had done it once before, she wouldn't do it again.

She inhaled through her nose, exhaling sharply as she broke into a sprint. Tears sprang from her eyes as she ran, her throat burning as image after image flashed before her eyes.

She wept with fear, regrets and relief. It was over. She could rest now. Her feet made one final push off the ground, launching her into the air and she closed her eyes.

"Forgive me, Ash."

**TO BE CONTINUED...**


	2. Aftermath

**AFTERMATH**

_SHE WOKE UP SCREAMING FROM the searing pain. It ricocheted through her body, ripping and clawing at every muscle and sinew. Her own pained scream deafened her to her surroundings, then once again the world around her went silent and she fell back into peaceful Oblivion._

~o~

Thin outlines criss-crossed along the length of her arm, barely visible any more. Weeks ago they had glowed with an eerie jade sheen. Her eyes had been the same green, but they too had faded and now only a few spots were visible on her otherwise brown eyes.

She splashed her face with water before patting it dry with the soft towel. It still smelled like the commander. The subtle, but brisk perfume she used to wear. The whole god damn cabin still smelled like her. Shepard was gone, yet her presence lingered in the large captain's quarter like a restless spirit. Some nights Ashley would wake up from something moving in the room and she could swear Shepard had been standing there watching her, but when she sat up the room was just as empty as it had been when she went to sleep.

_No matter what happens, I will always love you._ Zae's voice still echoed in Ashley's mind. "Shut up," she grumbled chasing away the memory of the commander's face back on earth before Zae had spun on her heels, breaking into a mad dash for the Citadel. Ashley tossed the towel aside, suppressed anger boiling to the surface. Zae had betrayed her again. She stared at her hands held up in front of her face before turning her eyes away. Synthetics integrated in to her body. Her DNA.

After their crash EDI had performed scans of all the members of the remaining crew helped by Chakwas who collected blood samples. She could still remember the crew's confused faces as EDI presented her findings. They all had one and the same genome. Humans, asari, turians, quarians, machines…She had become her worst nightmare. She was no more human than a geth. A living, breathing, walking machine. Humans were created in God's own image, but now they had been turned in to this. Either the bible was wrong or she had been punished for something. How could she become this? The very thing she had feared Shepard had turned into when she was brought back to life by Cerberus. Or maybe people had been right when they had question her faith in God. How could God allow something like this? Perhaps she had been foolish believing in God. What God would stand idly by as the galaxy was devoured by such monstrosities as the Reapers? Not only had Shepard left her behind, turned into this, but Zae had also managed to shaken Ashley's faith.

She blinked away the angry tears. Whatever Shepard had done, it had ended the war against the Reapers, but to what price? She should have gone with her in the end. What if she had been able to change the outcome? Instead she had gotten herself injured, the Normandy whisking her away from the battlefield like some helpless damsel in distress.

"Damn you, Skipper!" She felt the reality of Zae's absence tug at her chest and she clenched her jaws in defiance. She would not cry over her.  
There was a soft knock on the door and she exhaled, a weary sigh ripping from her mouth.

"Ash?" Liara, one of Shepard's closest friend, asked tentatively.

She turned around facing the asari, smiling bravely. "Liara?"

The asari's face twitched slightly when their eyes met. Whenever they saw each other they were reminded of the one person who had meant the world to them. Who had made the galaxy a little bit better. They had both loved the commander and at times Ashley found herself wondering if the asari had ever stopped. Liara had gone through hell and back to get Shepard's body back after the Collector attack had destroyed Normandy and its captain. She had even sacrificed a friend in the process. Sacrifices were made daily on the battlefield, but when it came to personal gains, one rarely let their friends take a bullet.

She felt a stab of guilt. She had pushed Shepard away when they met again, called her a traitor whereas Liara had risked her life to bring Zae back. It seemed odd to her that Shepard hadn't chosen Liara instead of her. Liara was so different from her. She spoke gently and with a sense of openness Ashley lacked. The asari was smart in a way that made her feel threatened and inferior, which the asari had pointed out once. Ashley not being the politically correct type had threatened the doctor with a good beating. Yeah, that was her alright; the hardened tomboy from years of serving the brass. She was all knuckles and a well calibrated sniper rifle. Unlike Liara she wasn't the type who made men turn around and stare when she walked into a room. She was more like the girl in the back of the class no one ever noticed.

The asari cocked her head. "Ashley?"

She blinked in confusion, snapping back to reality. "Hm?"

"EDI," the asari repeated, "thinks she might have found a solution to repair Normandy's drive core and Garrus reported that the Stragglers are approaching."

Stragglers, or husks as they used to be known as, roamed the planet they had landed on –if that's what you could call Joker's crash. At first that was all they did; wandered around like docile creatures, moaning and crying. They reminded her of lost little children. Then gradually they started showing signs of intelligence.

The colonist in the small settlement nearby had reported strange behaviour observed in the Stragglers that made their way into the colony and Liara had used glyph to monitor the husks' behaviour. The drone would follow the Stragglers around collecting data. Some husks still remained docile, but over the past month the Stragglers had gone from skulking around on their own to turning up two and two, then two grew to four and then four to eight and eventually they had formed what the doctor had called a collective. Ashley shuddered at the thought. Stragglers roaming in large numbers was a bad sign. So far nothing out of the ordinary had happened. They still just wandered around aimlessly.

While Liara focused most of her attention on observing the Stragglers the rest of the crew worked on the Normandy's broken drive core. They had to get back to Earth, but when they crashed the drive core and fuel cells had died. Engineer Adams had been working on powering her back up ever since. The rest of Normandy's crew used the shuttles to help repairs on the broken relay. Without either working they wouldn't be going anywhere in the near future. Everyone did what they could to help speed up the progress, but it was slow work. Months had already passed and they saw little result of all their hard work.

"Stragglers out here? I thought they mostly stayed near the colony." She strapped the pistols to her side frowning.

"Garrus and Tali spotted them a few clicks north of here."

"I guess I should go and see if they need me." She moved towards the door when Liara's hand gently grabbed her by the arm stopping her.

"Ash," Liara said, locking eyes with her. "Shepard's been gone for six months. You can't keep working yourself through every minute of each day. You should...Deal with your loss."

She felt her breath shake, but steadied herself. "I'm fine, Liara."

"Ash..." Liara's voice spoke softly.

"Look, I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine. Now please let me do my job," she said sternly, shaking off the asari's hand as she proceeded through the door.

"LC," the asari pled with her. "Don't call me that!" She heard herself bark harshly.

"But you don't even mention her name. You leave the room whenever someone brings her up or when the Alliance Disaster Protocol broadcasts."

"Zaeria is dead. There's nothing I can say to change that." She felt her eyes burn with anger as she stared at Liara with an unwavering angry glare.

"Ok," Liara finally said. "I'm sorry I brought it up."

~o~

The colony wasn't large. It mainly lodged a few scientists and their families. This meant they had next to no weapons or any other means of defending themselves. What they did have was a working comm tower. All they had to do now was to get the Normandy's communications system to work with the tower and send a message through to the Alliance. And by "them" she meant Samantha Traynor, their comm specialist who had in-depth theories about long ranged communication without quantum entanglement. Whatever that meant, she hoped specialist Traynor would be able to solve it together with EDI.

She didn't know what that green light had been, swallowing Normandy whole as they sped away towards Admiral Hackett's rendezvous point. Whatever it was it had done something to them all, changed them, and in the process the Normandy's drive core and communication system had died.

The only feed they could get was the Alliance Aftermath messages that were broadcasted by the Alliance on a regular basis. The recorded message encouraged people to stay calm. The Reaper threat was gone and Alliance forces had been dispatched to help the colonies rebuild. Sometimes updates were added, but the end of the message always remained the same.

_We honour the fallen Commander Shepard. A true hero and the saviour of the Galaxy. Her sacrifice will be honoured and remembered._

She had turned it off after the first few times. She knew what was going on behind those fancy words. The Alliance had to know by now what was going on with their changed biological genome. By reminding the people that Earth had been saved the Alliance kept them from panicking. They were trying to keep what little order they had left from collapsing. She had served in the Alliance for too long to be fooled by this. This was all part of the disaster protocols.

She inhaled the brisk air, resting her hands on her hips as her eyes swept across the gully that wounded its way through the mass of thick forest and solid mountains. It was undeniably beautiful despite the miserable situation they had found themselves in.

She chewed her lip thoughtfully. They had to get back to earth. The Alliance still needed her help and she needed to find her family. She had persuaded them to go to the Citadel with Sara, but the Citadel had been overrun by Reapers. She prayed silently that they had made it out before the Reapers attacked.

Her gaze drifted towards the blurred rim where ocean met sky._ Shepard, wherever you are..._ Zae's image flashed before her. Steel-grey gentle eyes stared back at her from an angular face framed by unruly, thick hair, a sly smile playing on the commander's thin lips. Zae always knew that smile could make Ashley go along with most of her crazy plans. The commander had possessed the ability to inspire people around her and they had rallied to her side. They had idolized Zae and raised her to the sky. Of course the troubled street girl who fought for survival each day on the streets would be the one who'd fight for everyone's survival in the galaxy regardless of species. She sighed.

_I hope you've found peace._

**TO BE CONTINUED...**

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So, two updates in one night and a render on deviantart. Surely hell has frozen over?

I would really appreciate it if you could leave a review and let me know what you think. They are like fluff and sunshine to this beating little heart.

Thanks! And till next time!

~Elmy


	3. The Awakened

**A/N: **Hey all! Thanks so much for the positive reception of this fanfic! I truly appreciate all the reviews. I would like to reply to each of you but I'm currently at the summer house and we have no electricity here and I wanted to post some new chapters for my fanfics for you readers to enjoy over the weekend before my batteries run out.

I hope you enjoy this chapter! Please leave me a review as I truly appreciate hearing what you think.

~Elmy

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**THE AWAKENED**

THE PAIN SEARED THROUGH HER and she tried to fight it off, but it persisted pushing her out of the darkness. The pain grew from a dull throbbing to a firestorm coursing through her veins, setting her on fire. She opened her eyes and screamed.

"Be still, youngling, be still." A coarse voice sounded somewhere above her head. Strong arms pinning her thrashing body to the ground. "Still, now. The more you move the more it hurts. You hear me, youngling?"

She tried to speak, but a sudden burst of light flooded her eyes, the sharp brightness blinding her. She whimpered lifting her arms in an effort to shield her eyes. Long, gnarled fingers stretched out before her eyes. Blue nodes twisted their way like veins through her fingers underneath the charcoal skin.

"No, the sooner you get used to the light, the better." Two hands gently lowered her arms and she groaned in protest, desperately trying to shut her eyes.

She swung her head from side to side, rocking her body along with the movements trying to push away the hands restraining her.

"She's too strong!" A voice hissed.

"Then let her go."

The hands holding her down released her and she rolled into a crouch, fleeing to the nearest shaded spot where she hid her head between her arms and knees. Still not able to shut her eyes she stared at the soot-covered ground. Her bare feet dug into the thin flakes of ashes, crushing them underneath her weight. The blue nodes ran through the length of her feet and as she let her gaze trail the nodes' path she could see the small orbs wind through her legs. Thick tubes resembling veins bulged underneath the surface of her skin.

She felt movement next to herself and she slowly lowered her arms turning her head to face the stranger. Her breath hitched in her throat at the sight of the creature before her. The face resembled a skull rather than a man's face. Two hollowed sockets, each one filled with two small, glowing spheres were an eerie reminder of eyes. Every muscle and sinew a prominent feature on his body as if the body had been drained of all its fluids. The skin looked as if it had been pulled so tight around the body that in places where it broke large holes revealed ebony bone. It did not escape her that the stranger's arms and legs were a reflection of her own.

"What's happening?" She tried to say, but it came out as no more than a whisper.

"You have just Awakened, youngling. From the transformation."

She turned her head around in confusion, taking in her surroundings. Rubble from a collapsed building lay scattered around her, the remains of its main walls sheltering her from the glowing sun.

"Why do you keep calling me that?" She rose to her feet slowly, using the wall for support. The pain shot out through her body and she quivered under its power.

"What else should we call the newly Awakened?" If the stranger smiled it hardly showed. Where lips had once graced the face only thin lines remained giving the husk an odd appearance seemingly baring his teeth most of the time.

"What is your name, youngling?"

"I...I don't know."

"Not uncommon among the newly Awakened. We will call you Kandrien."

Kandrien. She nodded slowly.

"It means 'lost spirit'."

"What am I?" She stared at her hands before holding them up.

"You are husk now."

"Have I always been husk?" She looked away from her hands and back at the stranger.

"No, at one point you used to be human."

"How do you know?"

"If you had not been, you wouldn't look so pretty right now." There was a light-heartedness to the wiser husk's voice and she snorted a chuckle in response.

"How did I become a husk?"

"We do not know yet. Before this the Reapers turned us, now something else turns us. Perhaps the same force that gave us the ability to think for ourselves once again. Some had already been turned by the Reapers but needed to transform properly and some are new."

"Why does it hurt?"

The wiser husk sat down shaking its head. "Because we are husks?"

She gave him a blank stare.

"There are many things we don't understand yet, youngling. Do you believe in God?"

"I don't know." She couldn't remember anything from before she woke up. As far as she knew husk was the only thing she had ever been. God was a concept she understood, but she couldn't tell if she believed in this God or not.

"Those of our kind who still hold on to a deity believe this is our punishment for something we did in our previous lives."

"And what do you think?"

The husk looked around them, cybernetic blue eyes never blinking. "It does seem fitting, does it not? This endless pain and suffering and the hunger, not for food, but for death. If anything this would certainly be a good description of purgatory."

"So we are condemned?"

The husk turned to face her again spreading his arms wide. "Look at us, Kandrien. What else could we be?"

She considered the question for a moment. "Then what did we do wrong?"

"That my dear youngling is what everyone here is trying to understand. Many of us believe that once we know this will end and we will find peace. So, suffice to say, that remains to be seen."

"Earlier you mention something about transformation?"

"They call it the Day of The Rising, the last day of the war. That's when we changed, some of us at that very moment when the Saviour saved the galaxy and others needed more time for their bodies to adjust to the changes. They wake up much later once the body has transformed properly thus having to go through the Awakening. Painful they say."

The older husk got to his feet brushing himself off. "Come on, it's getting late. We should get to the tunnels before it gets dark."

"Why?" Kandrien asked. Could she really trust this husk? Her instinct told her that if the other husk wanted her dead she wouldn't still be breathing, but it never hurt to ask.

"Have you seen what we look like? If you carried a firearm and met yourself in a dark alley what would you do?"

She looked back at the husk with a blank stare. "Shoot me?"

"Exactly. Humans have a tendency to do that when they see us."

"A good point." She agreed as he moved from her spot with great effort. "What do I call you?"

"My name is Kalaar."

"Then, thank you, Kalaar," she said, trailing after the wiser husk.

They made their way through the decimated city. Piles of rubble and debris from the high rising buildings lay strewn all around them as if a giant had grabbed a fistful of rubble and sprinkled it across the ground. She turned her head from side to side observing the fallen city beneath her feet. This war Kalaar spoke of could have been nothing but devastating. The destruction around her was evident in every corner of the city.

As they walked she saw other husks moving around, hunched, yet with such speed it surprised her. Some husks climbed the walls of buildings in a spider-like manner. Where she walked on shaky, aching legs she wondered if the other husks had adjusted to the pain. How else could they move so effortlessly?

Kalaar pulled to a stop by a small opening in the ground. He sat down before dropping himself into it. Kandrien lifted her head towards the darkening sky giving it one last look then let herself drop through the small hole in the ground. She landed ungracefully on her side groaning loudly at the painful impact with the hard ground.

"You'll get used to it," Kalaar said, voice tinged with amusement. "Before we continue there is one rule you must learn." His voice took a serious turn.

"What is that?"

"No matter who you were in your old life, down here, you're nobody."

"What do you mean?"

"Down here in the Crags there is only one leader –Attol. If you disobey him or disturb him in any way you will wish you were dead even more."

"Why?"

Kalaar looked around them as if to make sure no one heard him. "Because he doesn't kill you. He leaves you on display to set an example, a leg or arm poorer."

"Why is this Attol your leader?"

"Our leader," Kalaar corrected her. "Because he's got something the rest of us don't."

"And what is that?"

"He's got the Alorai. Powerful technology that survived the war." Kalaar cast a quick glance around the corner before turning. "I've known a lot of bad men, but Attol must be one of the worst and something tells me he is going to use the Alorai on something else than us husks."

"You mean the humans?"

Kalaar gave a barely visible nod. "And when he does...It won't end well for any of us."

TO BE CONTINUED...


	4. Drowning

**A/N1:** So before you start reading this I should explain Tali. I never pictured her the way Bioware did. I thought that was pretty unoriginal and I was slightly disappointed in how they made her look. I had definitely expected something more alien looking. So therefore I've based my Tali on Nebezial's wife's version. If you google Nebezial and Tali it'll show you what I mean. So you don't get confused by the description of her. :)

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**DROWNING**

"IT'S NICE OUT HERE." Ashley heard the quarian say and she turned her head to look at her. The mauve skin shimmered in the warm sun and the face which bore bark-like features wore a friendly smile.

After all the years they had known each other it was odd to see the quarian without the shaded visor that used to hide Tali's face, shielding her from the outside and its –to her- deadly germs. Ashley wasn't sure what she had thought Tali might look like, not that it had ever mattered to her, but admittedly the quarian was more stunning than she could have imagined. Her pinched face sported three leaf-like protrusions that curved and bent from her forehead towards her light blue hair. The hair had been plaited into several plaits and pulled into a fashionable tail at the back of her head giving her the appearance of a young wooden fairy with golden, curious eyes and a petite nose.

"Nice enough," she tried to smile. If she smiled people would stop asking her how she was doing. Then eventually her anger might dissipate. Maybe then she wouldn't feel like she was dying all over again whenever she heard Shepard's name.

"How are you?" Rich dark purple eyes studied her.

"I'm fine." She clenched her jaws. "Liara said you spotted more stragglers coming this way?"

"They're still not doing anything, but I've seen them skirting the edge of the forest," Tali reported.

"What are they doing?" She muttered looking towards the edge of the forest with a frown on her forehead.

"That's the thing," Tali said in frustration. "We don't know. Whenever we get too close they take off into the woods. Only…" The quarian hesitated.

"Only what?" Ashley didn't like the sound of Tali's voice when she had said that.

"It's starting to take longer and longer before they get scared and scamper off."

Using the scope of her rifle she peered into the forest. Grey gangly creatures skulked in the shadows, the familiar blue nodes shining like orbs through their skin. "They're there," she muttered.

"What are they doing?"

She made a sweep with the scope. Some of the husks where simply standing behind a tree, others were sitting in a small group whilst a few were pacing around.

"Still nothing they're jus-" she felt her blood curl, the hairs on her neck standing as she realised what she had missed at first glance.

"What is it?" Tali asked tilting her head.

Looking back at the group of husks she swallowed. It couldn't be. It was impossible! She could see hands gesticulating, slowly, but intently as the stragglers heads bobbed in what seemed to be understanding.

"They're talking."

~o~

"Would you really set your dog on a bear and let it be killed?" Zae Shepard asked, her voice cold, hard and a little annoyed.

"I told you. It's not human," Ashley replied defensively. Why did people get so upset when she said things that made perfect sense?

"But it's your _dog_." Shepard frowned.

"It's not like it can talk and think or feel the way humans do. It's all animal instinct to them," she argued where she stood in the dim lit shuttle bay. "It's not like it has a soul."

The commander's face took on an angry expression. "I think you're wrong, Chief. I think all living beings have a soul," the commander said tersely.

This was obviously a sensitive subject and Ashley regretted trying to discuss the ships alien crew with the commander. She wasn't unused to hearing how wrong she was, especially not when it came to her faith, and being a Williams her opinions were rarely regarded with much respect, but it still irritated her that Shepard couldn't see things her way. Then again why would she? It's not like they had known each other for very long. The only reason she was on the Normandy was because one of crew had died in combat.

"That's not what I meant, Commander. I just meant it's not human," she tried to soften her fall.

"And so living things that aren't human are to be treated like cannon fodder or unequally? Does your religion not preach to treat others as you want to be treated yourself?"

Ashley felt her temper flare. "I know what my religion teaches me, ma'am. But I also know the Alliance has struggled to prove themselves to the council and the other races and we shouldn't let aliens who could spy stand in our way to excel in the galaxy." She stuck her chin out in defiance. She wasn't going to let anyone dictate what she thought of aliens and their likes.

"I understand your concern, Chief, but this is my ship. A ship that has been built by turians and humans. _Together_. Now if you don't like how I run this ship you are welcome to transport to the SSV Tokyo. I have connections there and I'm sure we could have you transferred within the week."

Biting her tongue she looked away. "No, ma'am, that won't be necessary."

"Are you sure?" The commander asked studying her face with scrutinizing eyes. "Working with aliens won't be a problem?" Shepard asked her voice a little softer. She could feel Shepard's grey orbs pierce right through her and she kept from frowning.

"I'm sure, Commander. You tell me to jump, I ask how high." She could see the faintest hint of a smile in the barley visible twist of the corners of the commander's mouth.

"Good answer, Chief," the commander said then she turned around and walked away.

Ashley watched her go, feeling stupid. The commander had welcomed her to the ship making sure Ashley felt like she had earned her place on the Normandy. And how had she shown her appreciation? By questioning the commander's judgement.

She leant back against the work desk. _Idiot_. Considering she lost the whole 212 she wasn't in any position to question someone else's judgement. She let her head drop when she heard the commander's voice call out from the elevator.

"I'll talk to you later, Williams," her otherwise serious eyes twinkling with playfulness.

She felt her face split up in a bashful grin. "Looking forward to it."

~o~

Ashley pinched the bridge of her nose as the others' voices rung through the conference room.

"Are you sure of what you saw, Ash?" Liara leaned on to her hands across the table.

"Yes," she repeated herself looking up from the table. "They weren't just sitting there. And the other husks weren't just standing around. They were keeping a lookout."

"Then what are they looking for?"

"I don't know," she confessed, her hands landing on her hips.

"Whatever it is it can't be a good sign," Garrus pointed out from the other side of the room. "If only we knew what happened at the Citadel. Whatever Shepard did it must have affected them as well.

"But how?" Tali jumped into the discussion. Wood like features folded into a frown.

Ashley felt herself tense at the mention of Zae, but she remained still. She didn't need anyone seeing her leave again. Clenching her jaws she remained silent.

"From what we know Shepard successfully activated the crucible which resulted with the end of the war, but it also caused all of this," EDI said.

"She can't have known about this though," Tali pointed out. "Zae never would have used the crucible if she had known this would happen."

"Agreed," the greyish krogan nodded his clan master growling in agreement. "My battle master would die fighting the Reapers, bringing them down another way. She wouldn't do this."

"Unless she didn't have another choice," Garrus said.

She felt her breathing get heavy, her vision thinning like a tunnel. _I love you_. She blinked and grabbed at the table for support, the others' voices rising into a loud deafening pitch. _No matter what happens here today..._

"Shepard just took off, like she always did, straight into the beam. Brave son of a bitch." Wrex's voice rumbled through the chorus of voices.

_I will always love you_. _Grey eyes find Ashley's. Sincere, brave, strong and frightened all together. Then Zae gives her one last kiss before turning around breaking into a sprint towards the beam, heading towards her own death. _

She staggered backwards, her vision blurry and distorted, dizziness threatening to knock her on her back.

"Ashley?" Somewhere mixed in with all the noises is her name, spoken with worry.

"It's...it's too much," she whispers before spinning on her heels, fleeing the cramped conference room.

~o~

The best thing about being nobody on a ship like the Normandy was that you were rarely missed if you didn't hang around the mess hall during downtime. As she swung her leg towards the punching bag Ashley was happy that this meant she had the gym hall all to herself.

Her kick landed on the bag with a snapping sound that shot through the empty gym. As soon as she had dropped her leg to the floor she shot off of it pummelling the bag with her fist each hit whipping sharply through the air. Closing her eyes she danced around the bag letting her body do the thinking for her as she lashed out, retreated then lashed out at it again.

"Not bad." The voice surprised her and she snapped her eyes open, stopping mid movement. "For a rookie, that is." Shepard let her bag drop to the floor as she walked up towards Ashley where she stood panting.

"Thank you, ma'am," she replied curtly. _Rookie?!_

"I see you're working up quite the sweat." Something glittered in Shepard's eyes as she walked past her.

"If you don't sweat you're not doing it right." She tried not to grin as she said it. "_Ma'am_."

Shepard remained silent as she placed herself between Ashley and the punching bag. "Let's see what you got?"

"Err…"She let her hands drop. "Ma'am?"

An amused eyebrow crawled upwards on the commander's forehead. "Don't tell me you're scared to get a bruised, princess."

"_What _did you just call me?!" She crossed her arms snorting indignantly.

"Well…A pretty face like yours. I'd be worried." Shepard winked at her as she sunk into a defensive stance. _Pretty face? Does she think I'm pretty? Or is that just an expression? _

The world turned on its head and she barely had the sense raised her arms to keep her head from smashing into the gym mat. Still catching her bearings she looked up to see Shepard grin down at her.

"Stop daydreaming, princess."

"You didn't!" She snarled as she rolled into a crouch swinging her leg at the commander who was in the middle of walking away from her. Shepard pushed off the mat just as Ashley's leg swept past her. _Damn it!_

"That's more like, Williams," Shepard gave a nod of approval. Raising her hands in front of her face she gave a snort. She didn't need the commander's approval. She was good fighter regardless of what Shepard thought.

"Cocky for someone who plays dirty," she muttered as she jabbed at the commander. Her knuckles brushed against the palm that blocked her punch.

"You think the geth will be giving you a manual?" Shepard frowned throwing her fist in Ashley's direction.

She thought she had enough space to manoeuvre on, but she had miscalculated how close Shepard was and the commander's fist connected with her side. Grunting she could feel her temper rising and she moved towards the commander jabbing quickly with her fists, letting her body guide her in her flurry of attacks.

The commander dodged and blocked her attacks skilfully, which Ashley had suspected. Throwing her right fist towards Shepard she twisted her body at the very last moment. Her left glove clad fist connected with the commander's face, drawing a grunt from the hardened marine. She hesitated wondering if she'd gone too far.

Chuckling Shepard wiped the blood from her split lip looking at it with fascination. "Well, don't stop now, it's just getting good, Chief." Shepard's eyes glittered as she moved her weight from foot to foot with small jumps.

"Suit yourself, Commander." Ashley shook her head as she let her feet lead her in a half circle, all the while keeping her eyes on the commander. Taut muscles flexed as Shepard moved along the mat, the long black hair whirling behind her like a scarf caught in the wind.

"Getting cocky, are we?"

"If you say you let me have that one, I'm going to punch you," Ashley snorted. "Literally." This drew a laugh from Shepard who lowered her hands for a few seconds.

Sensing her opportunity she dived towards the commander , but Shepard reacted just as the stories said she had during the Skyllian Blitz –fast- and before Ashley knew it she was caught in an impossible head lock.

"Nice try, I'll give you that," Shepard whispered, the raspy voice caressing her ear. Suddenly aware of Shepard's arms wrapped tightly around her, the commander's breath tickling the back of her neck, Ashley could feel the goosebumps run along the length of her arms in a pleasant rush. _What the?! _

Using the strength of her legs she swung her upper body forward, carrying the commander with her as she leant forward diving into a roll. She could hear the surprise in Shepard's muffled groan as she landed hard on the mat, Ashley sitting victoriously on top of her, pinning her arms to the ground above her head.

"You were saying?" Her brow puckered, a playful smile lingering on her lips.

"Not bad," Shepard admitted lifting her head slightly. "But, you need to work a little harder on that upper cut."

She snorted where she sat as she leant forward. "I don't think you're in a position to complain, Commander."

"Complain? In this position?" The commander's eyes mirrored her playful smile. "Wouldn't think about it."

~o~

Liara stepped into the cabin careful not to frighten the marine with her intrusion. She had waited outside for some time, but when the heartbreaking wail did not stop she opened the door using her omni tool.

The sound of the marine's grief ten folded inside the cabin despite the door to the shower room muffling it slightly. She moved towards it hesitating before stepping up to it, quietly hoping the marine hadn't locked it. It slid open with a sombre crack, steam billowing out from the room like thick smoke.

Ashley lay curled up on her knees, one hand grabbing the wall for support the other one pressed against her chest as if to keep her heart from breaking in its place. Her pained sobs echoed between the metallic, grey walls as the water cascaded down on her becoming one with her tears.

"Ash!" She exclaimed at the sight of the naked marine, the strong woman who had stood proudly and faithfully by Zae's side nothing but a vague memory. "Ash," she said softly, moving closer.

"I can't..." The woman sobbed her fingers curling, nails digging into the flesh, clawing at the unbearable pain in her chest.

Grabbing a towel Liara turned off the water and knelt down wrapping Ashley in it.

"You can..." She murmured, wrapping her arms around the frail body, her own heart breaking with Ashley's.

"She's gone," Ashley said after a while as if acknowledging it for the first time.

The commander's face appeared in Liara's mind and she felt her lip give a slight tremble. Biting into her lip she blinked away the dampness that loomed behind her eyes and pulled Ashley closer.

"She left me again." Raw pain slipped from the marine's lips as it shook her body. Was this how Ashley had been the first time Shepard had died? "And it's breaking my heart."

"I know..." She rocked them gently as her own tears started falling, rolling down her sapphire skin. They had all lost someone remarkable that day. A great leader –a friend- but Ashley had also lost herself.

"Ashley?" She felt a barely noticeable nod in her arms and she closed her eyes. "Just relax." When Ashley didn't respond she closed her eyes reaching into the far reaches at the back of her mind. "Embrace eternity."

Grief washed over her instantly, threatening to drown her. It tore at her mind and soul, its persistence relentless -ruthless. She staggered backwards as she tried to fend off the emotions, lights blurring before her eyes, images whizzing through the air, the pain bringing her to her knees. Resisting it she dwelled deeper, wave after wave of emotions washing over her. Love, hatred, fear, disappointment, sorrow, serenity. There! That feeling. She grasped at it sensing the memory buried somewhere beyond her reach. Focusing harder she dashed after it, chasing it down the narrow canyon of a green planet. It moved faster and she followed suit, straining to keep up with it, lifting her arm in an effort to grab at its tail. _Come on, come on! _

Her fingers closed around the white tail and she felt a familiar sucking sensation in her stomach as she was cast into the memory.

_Grass. Covered in early morning dew. Sunrays dancing across arms and legs tangled in an embrace. Serenity. Unconditional love. _

"_Are you happy here?" Zae asks her where she lies. She knows she has never been like this with Zae, but she can no longer differentiate between herself and Ashley. They are one and the same, they share everything now. Feelings, memories, thoughts. _

"_I am. As long as I'm with you," she murmurs._

"_Flatterer," Zae's usual commanding tone has gone soft, it's different._

"_I try." _

The cold air hit Liara like a slap in the face and she gasped for air as their connection broke. Exhausted she glanced down at Ashley half expecting the marine to punch her in the face, but instead she found the woman sleeping peacefully in her arms.

Stroking the wet hair out of Ashley's face she sighed before using her biotics to lift the sleeping marine towards the bed. Tucking her in Liara watched Ashley for a long moment then she turned off the lights and placed herself on the sofa leaving the marine to sleep. If Ashley woke up after the meld she wanted to be there. _Because that's what friends do for each other._

**TO BE CONTINUED...**

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**A/N2:** Sorry for the wait, been working on the other fics and the renders I publish on deviantart. Anyway, here's the new chapter edited by my awesome beta Jessie2cv. She just posted her own story, go check it out in case you haven't discovered her yet. :)

Big thanks for reading, subscribing, faving and reviewing! It is more than muchly appreciated.

I love to hear from you so leave me a review (it only takes a min or two) to let me know what you think or hit me up on deviantart or FB!

Till next time.

~Elm


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